It's been rough lately. Take tonight for instance...I had 1 baby carrot, 1 bite of broccoli/cheese casserole, 1 shrimp, and 2 bites of tilapia. That's it. And I feel like I could puke! This morning I opened my refrigerator door and had 5 boxes of leftovers. I go out to eat and can't eat 1/3 of my meal...and then I get super super ticked off. At first I found this funny, that I would get mad when I got full. I mean, this is what I paid for right? What I wasn't prepared for was the actual emotions I would have when I can't eat.
So I've been checking out my lapband.com message board and it seems to be a common issue. Yes, I am a food addict. I am addicted to something that is not only legal, it is necessary to sustain my life. It's like telling an alcoholic, he must drink every day, but ONLY 1 tiny sip four or five times a day. It seems a bit drastic to compare my food issues to something so life altering as being an alcoholic. But this is seriously how I feel and what I am dealing with on a daily basis. One of the things offered to us bandsters is a monthly support group meeting, but I have yet to go. I have to find someone to talk to about this. Someone that would understand what I'm dealing with.
Again, you may think I'm being melodramatic, but this mental thing I'm going through has not been fun.
I have lost nothing in about a month. Still not working out, still have all the excuses and all the stress and all the laziness.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Going Backwards
Soooo...I don't even know how to start. I guess it's confession time. This is why I started this blog: so I could have a place to go and vent and celebrate.
I'm falling back into some pretty bad habits. Unnecessary snacking, sneak eating, eating til it hurts...the usual. Why? I have no idea. Wait...maybe I do.
I've always said, I'm not an emotional eater. "I don't eat when I'm happy/sad/angry/stressed...I just eat b/c I like food." Well...I have to admit, I do believe I'm an emotional eater.
Over the past month, I have faced some serious stressors and even some straight up slaps to the face. I'm exhausted and spiraling into a depression. As I put the empty carton of ice cream down tonight, I just stared at it and got MAD! In about 15 minutes I ate a pint of ice cream! WHAT?!?!
What am I doing?!?! Why am I hellbent on sabotaging myself? This is RIDICULOUS! I have got to start logging my food and making good smart choices again. If there's nothing else in my life I can control...I can control what I put in my mouth.
So here I go again....gonna do this RIGHT!
I'm falling back into some pretty bad habits. Unnecessary snacking, sneak eating, eating til it hurts...the usual. Why? I have no idea. Wait...maybe I do.
I've always said, I'm not an emotional eater. "I don't eat when I'm happy/sad/angry/stressed...I just eat b/c I like food." Well...I have to admit, I do believe I'm an emotional eater.
Over the past month, I have faced some serious stressors and even some straight up slaps to the face. I'm exhausted and spiraling into a depression. As I put the empty carton of ice cream down tonight, I just stared at it and got MAD! In about 15 minutes I ate a pint of ice cream! WHAT?!?!
What am I doing?!?! Why am I hellbent on sabotaging myself? This is RIDICULOUS! I have got to start logging my food and making good smart choices again. If there's nothing else in my life I can control...I can control what I put in my mouth.
So here I go again....gonna do this RIGHT!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I'm just sayin....
41 pounds! YIPPEE!! My minigoal was to lose 42 pounds by my birthday. Well, that was yesterday and I fell just 1 pound short. I am NOT going to beat myself up about it at all! I'm feeling grrrreat, not just physically...I feel better self esteem wise too. It's all paying off. I still get mad when I get full though. LOL!
Next week, I will be heading to Curves to start working out. This will only push me even further in my goal. I'm super excited and know that only good things are coming.
I'm just kinda using this blog to show off if you don't mind. I'm lookin kinda cute if I say so myself. ;)
Next week, I will be heading to Curves to start working out. This will only push me even further in my goal. I'm super excited and know that only good things are coming.
I'm just kinda using this blog to show off if you don't mind. I'm lookin kinda cute if I say so myself. ;)
Friday, May 7, 2010
Just checking in...
Nothing much to report. Down about 38 pounds, and still trucking right along. I got my third fill the other day and can really tell a difference. I usually sit and nibble on some Goldfish Crackers with Coby in the evenings...not anymore! After just a small handful, I can fill they start getting a little stuck. I knew the day would come when yummy carbs like bread, crackers, and such would be painful and out of the question...here I am. But it's weird because it's not like that all the time. For the most part I have to be really careful how I eat. It's challenging.
When I went to get my fill this week, it was the first time to see my surgeon since the day of surgery. When I walked in, he said, "You're looking good, girl!" Now, he might say that to all his patients, but I'm taking it! LOL! And the girls fawned over me and my accessories and acted like my BFFs. Treating me as a person, rather than a number is so important through this process. They did remind me that in just 12 more pounds I will get to go get a complimentary mani, pedi, or facial at their spa. That's something to look forward to! The doctor encouraged me to start working out...something I have all the best intentions of doing...I just haven't. This is where I could list all my excuses, but they're really not good ones. I would lose so much faster and would tone up considerably. I just need to get off my hiney and do it!
Another thing the Bariatric Center is doing is having a "Clean out your closet" sale on Saturday May 22 from 9-12. This gives us a chance to sell our stuff that we've "undergrown." I have soooo much that I'm ready to part with. What's bad is all the clothes that I've either worn only once (maybe twice) or never even worn! My mom and Ashley are coming with me to help, so if nothing else, it'll be fun!
So I leave you all with this note from Coby:
jttfjggjfffffjzjjjjjjjjjjjtfrfrtresdddddddddddddddddd
***Translation: MY MOM ROCKS!
:)
When I went to get my fill this week, it was the first time to see my surgeon since the day of surgery. When I walked in, he said, "You're looking good, girl!" Now, he might say that to all his patients, but I'm taking it! LOL! And the girls fawned over me and my accessories and acted like my BFFs. Treating me as a person, rather than a number is so important through this process. They did remind me that in just 12 more pounds I will get to go get a complimentary mani, pedi, or facial at their spa. That's something to look forward to! The doctor encouraged me to start working out...something I have all the best intentions of doing...I just haven't. This is where I could list all my excuses, but they're really not good ones. I would lose so much faster and would tone up considerably. I just need to get off my hiney and do it!
Another thing the Bariatric Center is doing is having a "Clean out your closet" sale on Saturday May 22 from 9-12. This gives us a chance to sell our stuff that we've "undergrown." I have soooo much that I'm ready to part with. What's bad is all the clothes that I've either worn only once (maybe twice) or never even worn! My mom and Ashley are coming with me to help, so if nothing else, it'll be fun!
So I leave you all with this note from Coby:
jttfjggjfffffjzjjjjjjjjjjjtfrfrtresdddddddddddddddddd
***Translation: MY MOM ROCKS!
:)
Friday, April 2, 2010
Frustrated
Okay...so you had to know the happy and optimistic posts would have to one day give way to a sour frustrated one. Well, here it is.
I'm down 32.2 pounds. Which is great, right? But one of my loves is shopping. I love to shop. Well, not anymore! I have no idea what size I am anymore. Hardly anything fits right! Plus sizes are really getting to baggy on me, but Misses sizes are just way too small, WAY too small. So it's not even like I'll be in the Misses until I lose another 15-20 pounds.
I go into a store and LOVE the clothes. Start grabbing the pretty floral dresses, cute denim skirts, springy tees. Then I get to the fitting room and one by one, I'm flinging them off in a fit. I leave the fitting room totally frustrated and near tears.
I just keep pulling up the pictures from my previous blog and looking at those, hoping to get my spirits up and KNOW that so far I've been pretty successful.
Who would have thought that losing weight would be this much of a downer?
:)
I'm down 32.2 pounds. Which is great, right? But one of my loves is shopping. I love to shop. Well, not anymore! I have no idea what size I am anymore. Hardly anything fits right! Plus sizes are really getting to baggy on me, but Misses sizes are just way too small, WAY too small. So it's not even like I'll be in the Misses until I lose another 15-20 pounds.
I go into a store and LOVE the clothes. Start grabbing the pretty floral dresses, cute denim skirts, springy tees. Then I get to the fitting room and one by one, I'm flinging them off in a fit. I leave the fitting room totally frustrated and near tears.
I just keep pulling up the pictures from my previous blog and looking at those, hoping to get my spirits up and KNOW that so far I've been pretty successful.
Who would have thought that losing weight would be this much of a downer?
:)
Friday, March 26, 2010
THIRTY!!!
So I'm down 30 pounds. My mind plays tricks on me. I look in the mirror and I don't see it, and I knew this would happen. Soooo...I had Chaston take pictures of me right before surgery so I could do before/after shots. What a motivator this has been for me this week! I can't wait to see the next 30 pounds vanish! YIPPEE!!!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
I got a brand new pair of blue jeans
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wpx9js5b21U&feature=related
Blue jeans. I am obsessed with them. I have more pairs than should humanly be allowed. I'm always on the lookout for the perfect fit/color/amount of distress/length.
And jeans tell no lies. You don't have to ask if they make your butt look big. If you've gained a few, they will tell you. You don't have to ask if your diet is finally paying off. If you have lost a few, they will tell you that too. Who needs a digital scale to tell you what you already know because your jeans have screamed it to you already?
Well, I have had to clean out my closet of my bigger size jeans, and pulled forward all the old jeans that were too small last year. My jeans have finally realized my weight loss and are too big. This is a victory for me. I am wiggling between misses and plus size right now and am so looking forward to not being limited to shopping in the plus size section.
My weight loss to date is 30 pounds!!! **doing the happy dance**
Blue jeans. I am obsessed with them. I have more pairs than should humanly be allowed. I'm always on the lookout for the perfect fit/color/amount of distress/length.
And jeans tell no lies. You don't have to ask if they make your butt look big. If you've gained a few, they will tell you. You don't have to ask if your diet is finally paying off. If you have lost a few, they will tell you that too. Who needs a digital scale to tell you what you already know because your jeans have screamed it to you already?
Well, I have had to clean out my closet of my bigger size jeans, and pulled forward all the old jeans that were too small last year. My jeans have finally realized my weight loss and are too big. This is a victory for me. I am wiggling between misses and plus size right now and am so looking forward to not being limited to shopping in the plus size section.
My weight loss to date is 30 pounds!!! **doing the happy dance**
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