Well, it's been almost a week since the surgery to have LB taken out. I have to say...I don't miss it one bit...yet. Just a little bit of honesty thrown in there.
Oh the sweet joy of being able to eat and drink and not make multiple trips to the restroom to throw up! Being able to sit in hour long meetings at work and not worry about every sip of water not making it down and needing to excuse myself. Knowing that I will be able to go on our planned trip to the beach this week and not starve myself because there is just no place to vomit discreetly out there. It's the little things, folks!
So surgery day...well...it was eventful to say the least. My family and friends know how to bring the party to a tiny room. Since I couldn't eat or drink anything since midnight the night before, and I wasn't taken back to surgery til well after 3 PM, I was starving! But they all kept me preoccupied and in giggles. And I'm sure they will tell you that no one can rock a gown, JiffyPop hat, compression hose, and a smile like I can. Ha!
Some of the most memorable post-surgery events (of which I had to be told about):
1. This one I remember -- when I woke up in recovery, the man next to me who was also coming out of his anesthesia, apparently had a full bladder and he let everyone know. The nurses kept telling him he had a catheter and he could pee any time he wanted. Finally one nurse just told him to LET IT GO! Which of course....led to them bursting in to the famous Frozen song....hey, at least they have fun at their jobs.
2. When I was going under the effect of Versad, Jason and Chaston were talking about what dreams I might have. These included rainbows, unicorns, Channing Tatum, and Ken Caminiti. Somehow Caminiti became the rainbow. In a haze, I mumbled, "Hmmm...taste the rainbow."
3. Chaston took a selfie with me after surgery, while I was still out of it. I woke up just in time to catch him. My drug induced glare scared him, and most everyone else. I must try to replicate this look for future use.
4. I think this is everyone's favorite! They wanted me to wake up after surgery so we could get going home. Jason asked Coby how he usually wakes me up. Coby said he tickles me....he was told this wasn't a good idea and to come up with a different suggestion. After thinking for a bit, he came up with a great idea! "I could wipe a booger on her face!" Thankfully, they didn't let him do that either!
Okay...so that was all the fun part. Now to the actual surgery stuff. When I showed up the day of surgery, I had lost another 5+ pounds since the Monday before when I had my pre-op lab work done. I was sick folks. I was exhausted, my head hurt, I was freezing all the time. I still can't believe I had let this go on as long as I had. Wait....yes I can. I was able to gorge and binge on anything and everything I wanted and the weight just peeled off!
But I knew I was finally doing the right thing, for me, for my kids...no matter my size and weight.
Dr. Dean said it went pretty much as he expected and my stomach was, well, it was a mess. He had to "manipulate" me back into shape. I have no idea what this means and can't wait to get more of an explanation at my post op visit with him next week. All I know is that I was more sore and sick after this surgery than when getting LB put in. I'm still a bit achy and feel like I've done 2340293848 sit ups, but it gets better every day.
And the energy I have now is pretty cool! I got home from work last night and cooked supper, played with Coby, did some laundry, and played with Coby some more. I can't wait to translate this in the gym! I think by next week, I'll be able to get on the treadmill or elliptical and get some work in.
The only drawback...I have to pee like alllll the time! This is a new sensation for me from the past 6 months. I would maybe go twice a day....now it feels like every 15 minutes. Especially with all the water I drink. Good to know I didn't lose any kidney function through the whole ordeal. LOL!
The hard part has begun though. I have already gained 12 pounds. That's 12 pounds in 6 days. I knew this would happen. I mean it had to. But I want it to stop here. I have stocked my fridge with low carb, healthy, easy to cook options. But there are still a few bad things that call my name at night. I need to remember that I can't eat everything I want and lose weight anymore. This isn't the Battle of the Bulge...this is a Battle of the Brain!
I am so blessed to be surrounded by positive and supportive friends and family who have loved me through this and will love me past it. I could not have survived this without all of them taking care of me and praying for me and offering support. If ever I throw a pity party and whine about not being loved, someone knock me upside the head.
XOXOXOXOX!!!!
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Ending...or starting...a new chapter?
Has it really been 18 months since I posted here? Wow! I guess I just didn't have anything that imporant to say...or I was just saying it in bits and pieces on Facebook. Oh that darn Facebook...what would we do without it? Anywho....time to update on my lapband drama. That's the reason I started this blog in the first place -- to talk about the ups and downs, highs and lows of dealing with having had bariatric surgery.
Well, here comes one big ginormous LOW! Come Wednesday, June 25, I will be losing my Lap-Buddy...it's coming out. And I have very very mixed emotions about this.
The LB drama started earlier this year. I can't pinpoint when exactly, but it was early January when I started struggling to keep anything down. I would have a good day mixed in with a few bad days during the early months. This means I would have a day or 2 where I could eat and actually get food to go down and stay down. But then I would have a week where nothing would go down and stay down. And when I say nothing...I mean NOTHING. No coffee, no water, no juice...N O T H I N G. As time went on, I had no good days. Maybe once every couple of weeks, I would have a random meal that would somehow miraculously go down. But that's it.
Before I knew it, my jeans didn't fit. And then people started commenting on me losing weight. Oh, wow. This is nice. And then it was like one day I woke up and I realized I had lost 40+ pounds which meant a total weight loss of 100 pounds since I started this journey!!
And then I hit 50 pounds down for the year and people were making comments like:
"You're melting away!"
"Hey skinny minnie!"
"You're gonna blow away if you get any thinner!"
All my life I have struggled with my weight and have never heard comments and received praise like this. All I wanted was to lay in these comments like fresh fallen snow and make skinny snow angels!
And all I have to do is eat whatever I want and it all just comes back up! Amazing! The downside was when people would want to know what my weight loss "secret" was. I couldn't very well tell them I was throwing up everything, could I? My canned responses were:
"Oh, you know I had lapband surgery a few years ago, I just decided it was time to make it work for me!"
"I just quit eating my 2 Bell friends...Blue and Taco!"
"I just watch what I eat...and no soft drinks!"
Crazy people believed me! Well...some did. My boss totally busted me after a work dinner one night when she called me out on how many times I went to the restroom. I did have one person ask how much Taco Bell had I been eating that once I stopped eating it, I was able to drop this much weight. Uhhh....????
So I let it go on...and on...and on...for months. Finally I just started getting tired of it. My family was tired of me throwing up all the time. My boyfriend (EEK! I have a boyfriend now!!! lol) hated that we couldn't go out and enjoy a meal together without me up and down to the bathroom. I had some bloodwork done and I was anemic. I'm tired and listless all the time. I'm soooooo thirsty! I get it! I'm not healthy. I look great...but my insides are messed up. And I could tell that my brain was getting just as wonky. All I cared about was being skinny...who cares how I got there?
I finally called Dr. Dean and asked to have a bit of an unfill. Didn't work. Went back and had it completely unfilled, totally emptied. Didn't work. That's when I knew I was in serious trouble.
When I went back to see Dr. Dean and told him the total empty band still wouldn't allow me to eat or drink anything, he just shook his head and said, "You know where this is going, don't you?" And I did...I knew the LB was coming out. Turns out, my LB has slipped...or rather my stomach has pushed up through the LB. He made me do a barium swallow and I was able to see just how bad it was. And there's no easy fix. He said it's not like a belt that you can just loosen, pull the stomach back through, and then tighten back up. There's too much irritation, inflammation, scar tissue. The LB has to come out.
I asked about having a revision to the Sleeve. Nope. Again...too much damage to my stomach right now. He would consider doing it in 6-9 months from now, after I've had time to heal and recover from this trauma. I don't know if I will pursue that though.
So here we go. Can I maintain this weight loss? I don't think so. I have many many friends and family that think I can. But my Debbie Downer brain tells me no. If I could, then I wouldn't have needed weight loss surgery to begin with. I'm devestated. I know this needs to happen. I'm the thinnest I've been in a very very long time, but I'm also the unhealthiest I've ever been. I need to feel better. I need to enjoy life again. But darn it, I sure have enjoyed the attention.
So there it is...my confessional, my story. I vowed to be honest and open throughout this entire journey. Please say a prayer as I move forward to the next chapter in this story...Life after LapBand...starts June 25th!
Well, here comes one big ginormous LOW! Come Wednesday, June 25, I will be losing my Lap-Buddy...it's coming out. And I have very very mixed emotions about this.
The LB drama started earlier this year. I can't pinpoint when exactly, but it was early January when I started struggling to keep anything down. I would have a good day mixed in with a few bad days during the early months. This means I would have a day or 2 where I could eat and actually get food to go down and stay down. But then I would have a week where nothing would go down and stay down. And when I say nothing...I mean NOTHING. No coffee, no water, no juice...N O T H I N G. As time went on, I had no good days. Maybe once every couple of weeks, I would have a random meal that would somehow miraculously go down. But that's it.
Before I knew it, my jeans didn't fit. And then people started commenting on me losing weight. Oh, wow. This is nice. And then it was like one day I woke up and I realized I had lost 40+ pounds which meant a total weight loss of 100 pounds since I started this journey!!
And then I hit 50 pounds down for the year and people were making comments like:
"You're melting away!"
"Hey skinny minnie!"
"You're gonna blow away if you get any thinner!"
All my life I have struggled with my weight and have never heard comments and received praise like this. All I wanted was to lay in these comments like fresh fallen snow and make skinny snow angels!
And all I have to do is eat whatever I want and it all just comes back up! Amazing! The downside was when people would want to know what my weight loss "secret" was. I couldn't very well tell them I was throwing up everything, could I? My canned responses were:
"Oh, you know I had lapband surgery a few years ago, I just decided it was time to make it work for me!"
"I just quit eating my 2 Bell friends...Blue and Taco!"
"I just watch what I eat...and no soft drinks!"
Crazy people believed me! Well...some did. My boss totally busted me after a work dinner one night when she called me out on how many times I went to the restroom. I did have one person ask how much Taco Bell had I been eating that once I stopped eating it, I was able to drop this much weight. Uhhh....????
So I let it go on...and on...and on...for months. Finally I just started getting tired of it. My family was tired of me throwing up all the time. My boyfriend (EEK! I have a boyfriend now!!! lol) hated that we couldn't go out and enjoy a meal together without me up and down to the bathroom. I had some bloodwork done and I was anemic. I'm tired and listless all the time. I'm soooooo thirsty! I get it! I'm not healthy. I look great...but my insides are messed up. And I could tell that my brain was getting just as wonky. All I cared about was being skinny...who cares how I got there?
I finally called Dr. Dean and asked to have a bit of an unfill. Didn't work. Went back and had it completely unfilled, totally emptied. Didn't work. That's when I knew I was in serious trouble.
When I went back to see Dr. Dean and told him the total empty band still wouldn't allow me to eat or drink anything, he just shook his head and said, "You know where this is going, don't you?" And I did...I knew the LB was coming out. Turns out, my LB has slipped...or rather my stomach has pushed up through the LB. He made me do a barium swallow and I was able to see just how bad it was. And there's no easy fix. He said it's not like a belt that you can just loosen, pull the stomach back through, and then tighten back up. There's too much irritation, inflammation, scar tissue. The LB has to come out.
I asked about having a revision to the Sleeve. Nope. Again...too much damage to my stomach right now. He would consider doing it in 6-9 months from now, after I've had time to heal and recover from this trauma. I don't know if I will pursue that though.
So here we go. Can I maintain this weight loss? I don't think so. I have many many friends and family that think I can. But my Debbie Downer brain tells me no. If I could, then I wouldn't have needed weight loss surgery to begin with. I'm devestated. I know this needs to happen. I'm the thinnest I've been in a very very long time, but I'm also the unhealthiest I've ever been. I need to feel better. I need to enjoy life again. But darn it, I sure have enjoyed the attention.
So there it is...my confessional, my story. I vowed to be honest and open throughout this entire journey. Please say a prayer as I move forward to the next chapter in this story...Life after LapBand...starts June 25th!
Monday, December 31, 2012
2012 Year in Review
What a year! And as I sat in reflection I thought that this was a nothing year. Nothing exciting happened, nothing new, it was just a blah year.
Then last night, I was bored, so I started flipping through my facebook page.
Boy was I wrong!!!! A "nothing" year? WHAT?!?
Wow....the things I quickly forgot that happened.
Just some of the highlights:
Chaston's 8th grade basketball team actually won a trophy! Chaston rocked the hurdles! Saw Blue Man Group! Coby started teeball! Coby turned 4! Watched my sweet friend Julie get married! Coby broke his nose. Chaston made All Stars! Clara Ann was born! Chaston "graduated" from Middle School as Mr. BCMS! Chaston turned 15! Both boys went to VBS...Chaston as a youth helper and Coby for his first time and they both LOVED it!! I started teaching a Sunday School class of amazing ladies! I lost a best friend, but gained some more! Chaston started High School!! Coby started Pre-K at FBC BC! Took a car full of boys to Houston for a long weekend of fun and an Astros game. Chaston got his driving permit! Watched the BCHS Marching Band go to Area Marching Finals in Nacogdoches! I moved to the big corner office at work! Coby had his first dentist appt! Had an amazing Christmas holidays with the family!
Whew! And that doesn't include all the trips to the movies, to Whitehouse, bowling, and just general goofy fun with the boys.
So next time I think we had had an un-adventurous year, I have Facebook to thank to remind of what an amazing ride it's been!
Then last night, I was bored, so I started flipping through my facebook page.
Boy was I wrong!!!! A "nothing" year? WHAT?!?
Wow....the things I quickly forgot that happened.
Just some of the highlights:
Chaston's 8th grade basketball team actually won a trophy! Chaston rocked the hurdles! Saw Blue Man Group! Coby started teeball! Coby turned 4! Watched my sweet friend Julie get married! Coby broke his nose. Chaston made All Stars! Clara Ann was born! Chaston "graduated" from Middle School as Mr. BCMS! Chaston turned 15! Both boys went to VBS...Chaston as a youth helper and Coby for his first time and they both LOVED it!! I started teaching a Sunday School class of amazing ladies! I lost a best friend, but gained some more! Chaston started High School!! Coby started Pre-K at FBC BC! Took a car full of boys to Houston for a long weekend of fun and an Astros game. Chaston got his driving permit! Watched the BCHS Marching Band go to Area Marching Finals in Nacogdoches! I moved to the big corner office at work! Coby had his first dentist appt! Had an amazing Christmas holidays with the family!
Whew! And that doesn't include all the trips to the movies, to Whitehouse, bowling, and just general goofy fun with the boys.
So next time I think we had had an un-adventurous year, I have Facebook to thank to remind of what an amazing ride it's been!
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Sweet 16
So I guess I need to update on the Upper GI I had done. Wasn't too painful, other than the part they made me drink something super fizzy and told me I couldn't burp. Ugh! That part wasn't nice. But I was told that officially my band was too tight. There didn't seem to be a slip or swelling, just general tightness. So I called the Bariatric Center and they were great about getting me right in so I didn't have to make another trip to Beaumont. Dr. Schrapps took out 1 full cc and gave me a script for Nexium. Ahhh....sweet relief. Unfortunately, I've gained about 20 pounds in the past year or so. Eh, whatever.
The other really bad thing...I've officially become addicted to ice cream. Don't believe me?? There's plenty of studies and articles out there to back up this theory...just google it.
Sooooo...I've been doing alot of internal reflection and have just about come to terms with who I am. There have been two times in my adult life that I have been a size 12.
Once was back when I was about 20. I was working full time and going to school full time. I lived off pretzels from the vending machine at school and little snack packs of fat free caramel popcorn we sold where I worked. Then I would get home at about 11 PM and head straight to the track for my 2 mile walk.
The other time in my life I was a size 12 was just a couple of years ago. And if we all need to be reminded on how I got there.... http://stoppingtherollercoasterride.blogspot.com/2010/12/ugh.html Throwing up every single thing that crossed my lips...including my own spit sometimes...well, that's just not all that fun, is it?
So now I'm a size 16...and I have to wonder, is eating about 500 calories a day or throwing up all the time really the sacrifice I want to make to be a size 12? Hmmm...I just don't think so. I have been teaching/leading a class of some pretty wonderful ladies from church and the title of the study is: You're Already Amazing. Wow...you mean I don't have to be a size 12 or smaller to be amazing? I can be a great mom, a good employee, an awesome friend, and a child of the King and not be "model" thin...what a concept!!
Now I have no intention of just losing control and going "hog" wild from here on out. I actually like what I see in the mirror right now, and feel comfortable. But I don't want to be completely unhealthy. The ice cream needs to stop. The candy needs to stop. Yes, I need to get outside and get more active. I do need to stay healthy. But the self hatred is over. You see this body of mine? It's a temple of the Lord. He gave this to me...I'm just blessed to have more square footage than some of you other temples out there. LOL!!!
I love some of the things I have come to realize over the past few months about myself. I hear myself sharing encouragement with my friends, and I am learning to apply those same things to myself. It's been quite the trip actually. It only took me 30+ years to get here.
And for those of you that are reading this that might be looking for weight loss or lap band tips, well I just don't have them for you today. What I do want to offer you is that God has created you for amazing things...not to wear low rise skinny jeans. Now it's up to you to get out there and find out what God's purpose is for you. And keep your head up...you are ALREADY AMAZING!!!!
The other really bad thing...I've officially become addicted to ice cream. Don't believe me?? There's plenty of studies and articles out there to back up this theory...just google it.
Sooooo...I've been doing alot of internal reflection and have just about come to terms with who I am. There have been two times in my adult life that I have been a size 12.
Once was back when I was about 20. I was working full time and going to school full time. I lived off pretzels from the vending machine at school and little snack packs of fat free caramel popcorn we sold where I worked. Then I would get home at about 11 PM and head straight to the track for my 2 mile walk.
The other time in my life I was a size 12 was just a couple of years ago. And if we all need to be reminded on how I got there.... http://stoppingtherollercoasterride.blogspot.com/2010/12/ugh.html Throwing up every single thing that crossed my lips...including my own spit sometimes...well, that's just not all that fun, is it?
So now I'm a size 16...and I have to wonder, is eating about 500 calories a day or throwing up all the time really the sacrifice I want to make to be a size 12? Hmmm...I just don't think so. I have been teaching/leading a class of some pretty wonderful ladies from church and the title of the study is: You're Already Amazing. Wow...you mean I don't have to be a size 12 or smaller to be amazing? I can be a great mom, a good employee, an awesome friend, and a child of the King and not be "model" thin...what a concept!!
Now I have no intention of just losing control and going "hog" wild from here on out. I actually like what I see in the mirror right now, and feel comfortable. But I don't want to be completely unhealthy. The ice cream needs to stop. The candy needs to stop. Yes, I need to get outside and get more active. I do need to stay healthy. But the self hatred is over. You see this body of mine? It's a temple of the Lord. He gave this to me...I'm just blessed to have more square footage than some of you other temples out there. LOL!!!
I love some of the things I have come to realize over the past few months about myself. I hear myself sharing encouragement with my friends, and I am learning to apply those same things to myself. It's been quite the trip actually. It only took me 30+ years to get here.
And for those of you that are reading this that might be looking for weight loss or lap band tips, well I just don't have them for you today. What I do want to offer you is that God has created you for amazing things...not to wear low rise skinny jeans. Now it's up to you to get out there and find out what God's purpose is for you. And keep your head up...you are ALREADY AMAZING!!!!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
The "Crap" Band??
Yeah...what a title, huh? Imagine my dismay when I stumbled on a website where this is the favored name for the Lap Band. But the way I've been feeling the past few months, I just might have to agree with it.
I'm just tired. Tired of the throwing up, of the sleepless reflux-filled nights, popping antacids hourly, only being able to eat ice cream because it's the only thing that will stay down.
So for the first time in 2 years, I started thinking about getting it taken out. But I'm teriffied of what will happen...how quickly will I balloon back up? So then I started looking into getting a revision to a Gastric Sleeve. And wow...this seems to be quite popular amongst all the lapbanders. So after reading a few websites and people's stories, I made an appointment to see Dr. Dean to discuss some options. He started telling me this is becoming common in their line of work and they're even starting to push people toward the Sleeve rather than the Band because it's so much more effective. Oh really? Would have been nice to know a few years ago, huh?? Ugh.
He then told me that it would be two surgeries, they're conservative and do not like to do the lapband removal and Sleeve in one procedure. To top it off, it could be anywhere from 6 months to a YEAR before they would come back and do the sleeve. WHAT?!? Do you have any idea how FAT I would get in that span of time?? I mean, if I could do this weight loss thing without a tool like the lapband, I would have already done that!!
But first things first...he wants to see what the lapband is doing to my insides. He's ordering an Upper GI and EGD for me and then we will go from there. I googled these two procedures as soon as I got back and neither one looks like loads of fun. Should be interesting and I feel for the poor folks that will have to perform these procedures on me...I can be quite the whiny baby. :ashamed:
So I'll keep you updated on the results of all that mess. Now that I've talked about medical stuff, now to get to the emotional aspect...what the heck is wrong with me that I can't accept ME?! Folks tell me I'm cute, pretty, intelligent, etc...but what I want is to look like the girl on the magazine covers. And let me tell you what it would take to look like that...definitely MORE than TWO weight loss surgeries. It would take a small army of surgeons and A LOT of moolah!!
But in my head, that is what is pretty. That is what draws someone's attention to the magazines...a beautiful girl with a flat stomach and great hair. So when someone tells me I'm pretty, there is no way I believe them. How can you look at this chick on the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition and then look at me and think I am attractive. There is just NO way. She is perfection. I'm merely a below average chunky 30 something. There just is NO comparison.
Now comes the guilt and the head banging. Why do I allow all this self hatred and hate talk? I would never stand for one of my children to talk like this, so why is it okay for me to?
When I'm looking at old pictures of my teenager, he gets all embarassed because he's so chubby, has chipmunk cheeks, and some of the most horrifically crooked teeth ever seen. And I can't help but cry sweet tears as I look at his precious beautiful face, he is perfection. I don't see what he sees, I see him through eyes of pure love and adoration.
I imagine that this is the way God sees me. I stare in the mirror with disgust all while God is looking down and viewing his perfect masterpiece. Oh if only for one minute I were able to look at me through God's eyes and see what he sees. Then maybe I could learn to accept this physical shell that I have been given.
I really need to realize that I am worth more than the number on the scale, than the size on the tag of my clothes, than the lumps and bumps and curves of my body. I promise to work on this. I am a child of the King...and he is enthralled with my beauty and I shall honor Him. (Psalm 45:11)
So for the first time in 2 years, I started thinking about getting it taken out. But I'm teriffied of what will happen...how quickly will I balloon back up? So then I started looking into getting a revision to a Gastric Sleeve. And wow...this seems to be quite popular amongst all the lapbanders. So after reading a few websites and people's stories, I made an appointment to see Dr. Dean to discuss some options. He started telling me this is becoming common in their line of work and they're even starting to push people toward the Sleeve rather than the Band because it's so much more effective. Oh really? Would have been nice to know a few years ago, huh?? Ugh.
He then told me that it would be two surgeries, they're conservative and do not like to do the lapband removal and Sleeve in one procedure. To top it off, it could be anywhere from 6 months to a YEAR before they would come back and do the sleeve. WHAT?!? Do you have any idea how FAT I would get in that span of time?? I mean, if I could do this weight loss thing without a tool like the lapband, I would have already done that!!
But first things first...he wants to see what the lapband is doing to my insides. He's ordering an Upper GI and EGD for me and then we will go from there. I googled these two procedures as soon as I got back and neither one looks like loads of fun. Should be interesting and I feel for the poor folks that will have to perform these procedures on me...I can be quite the whiny baby. :ashamed:
So I'll keep you updated on the results of all that mess. Now that I've talked about medical stuff, now to get to the emotional aspect...what the heck is wrong with me that I can't accept ME?! Folks tell me I'm cute, pretty, intelligent, etc...but what I want is to look like the girl on the magazine covers. And let me tell you what it would take to look like that...definitely MORE than TWO weight loss surgeries. It would take a small army of surgeons and A LOT of moolah!!
But in my head, that is what is pretty. That is what draws someone's attention to the magazines...a beautiful girl with a flat stomach and great hair. So when someone tells me I'm pretty, there is no way I believe them. How can you look at this chick on the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition and then look at me and think I am attractive. There is just NO way. She is perfection. I'm merely a below average chunky 30 something. There just is NO comparison.
Now comes the guilt and the head banging. Why do I allow all this self hatred and hate talk? I would never stand for one of my children to talk like this, so why is it okay for me to?
When I'm looking at old pictures of my teenager, he gets all embarassed because he's so chubby, has chipmunk cheeks, and some of the most horrifically crooked teeth ever seen. And I can't help but cry sweet tears as I look at his precious beautiful face, he is perfection. I don't see what he sees, I see him through eyes of pure love and adoration.
I imagine that this is the way God sees me. I stare in the mirror with disgust all while God is looking down and viewing his perfect masterpiece. Oh if only for one minute I were able to look at me through God's eyes and see what he sees. Then maybe I could learn to accept this physical shell that I have been given.
I really need to realize that I am worth more than the number on the scale, than the size on the tag of my clothes, than the lumps and bumps and curves of my body. I promise to work on this. I am a child of the King...and he is enthralled with my beauty and I shall honor Him. (Psalm 45:11)
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Being MOM
I remember when I was younger when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was a corporate executive. I didn't really know WHAT that meant, I just knew I wanted to wear suits and work in the tallest building in downtown Houston. In my group of girlfriends, I was the one that said having kids wouldn't happen for many many years. I couldn't imagine being a mom. But God had different plans.
At 18, I learned I was going to be a mom. Not exactly ideal timing, during my first sememster in college, but oh how God knew exactly what would make my life AMAZING! Oh it wasn't easy, and it still isn't. Chaston and I have literally grown up together. He is such a great cool kid. One of the funniest, wittiest, annoying boys I've ever known. Today he says he wants to be an opthomologist when he grows up...and of course being in the ministry in some capacity. I enjoy watching him grow every day in wisdom, stature, and in favor with both God and men.
Almost 11 years later, our two person family grew to three when Coby Dean joined in the fun. Again, this was not easy, but what a joy it has been. Coby is so funny, energetic, and definitely keeps me on my toes. I can not wait to see what he decideds to do and be as he gets bigger.
Being a mom has been the most enjoyable and challenging task that God has called me to in my life. And I have to say that it is the one thing in life that I KNOW I excel at. Sure I say the wrong things, lose my patience at inopportune times, but for the most part, I kinda rock at this. I am their biggest fan, biggest supporter, and strive to be their hero. I hope they see how hard I try to be just what they need me to be.
How did I get to be such a great mom?? Well, easy answer...I had the best role model...MY mom! She's my first phone call when I have questions or concerns or funny kid stories to share. I couldn't have accomplished all that I have, raised these amazing kids, and continue to be a working mom without her. Thanks mom! Love you!
So to all the moms out there...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!! Enjoy your day and hug those babies tight.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Un-band related...or band unrelated
Whatever you want to call it. LOL!
This post has absolutely NOTHING to do with the band. It's about me cleaning my bathroom floor. And while this normally wouldn't be a very exciting topic, it's exactly the kind of thing I would want to find on Pinterest. Soooo...I thought, why shouldn't I put it on there?!
I am a hairspray addict. I spray my hair before I style it, while I'm styling it, after I style it, after I get dressed...and sometimes run back in the house for one more spritz...or 4.
This has caused some major buildup of hair products on my bathroom floor. One day I tried to scrub it with one of those Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. That didn't work all that great.
So I hit up google...I mean, when all else fails, right? Several articles suggested acetone. I poured a capful of fingernail polish remover on the floor just to see what it would do, and it worked! But with no ventilation or an open window, that wouldn't get very far. Another site said, shampoo. Well, isn't that a novel idea?? Use shampoo to clean up hair styling products!!
I bought some clarifying, deep cleansing shampoo. Poured some in a spray bottle, added some warm water and shook it up. Sprayed it on the floor and let it sit for a few minutes. After scrubbing with a sponge for a few more minutes....VOILA! Floor looked good as new.
I'm just a wee bit embarassed that I didn't realize just how awful my floor looked. But now I know the secret to cleaning my floor...SHAMPOO!
This post has absolutely NOTHING to do with the band. It's about me cleaning my bathroom floor. And while this normally wouldn't be a very exciting topic, it's exactly the kind of thing I would want to find on Pinterest. Soooo...I thought, why shouldn't I put it on there?!
I am a hairspray addict. I spray my hair before I style it, while I'm styling it, after I style it, after I get dressed...and sometimes run back in the house for one more spritz...or 4.
This has caused some major buildup of hair products on my bathroom floor. One day I tried to scrub it with one of those Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. That didn't work all that great.
So I hit up google...I mean, when all else fails, right? Several articles suggested acetone. I poured a capful of fingernail polish remover on the floor just to see what it would do, and it worked! But with no ventilation or an open window, that wouldn't get very far. Another site said, shampoo. Well, isn't that a novel idea?? Use shampoo to clean up hair styling products!!
I bought some clarifying, deep cleansing shampoo. Poured some in a spray bottle, added some warm water and shook it up. Sprayed it on the floor and let it sit for a few minutes. After scrubbing with a sponge for a few more minutes....VOILA! Floor looked good as new.
I'm just a wee bit embarassed that I didn't realize just how awful my floor looked. But now I know the secret to cleaning my floor...SHAMPOO!
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