Frustrated

Okay...so you had to know the happy and optimistic posts would have to one day give way to a sour frustrated one. Well, here it is.

I'm down 32.2 pounds. Which is great, right? But one of my loves is shopping. I love to shop. Well, not anymore! I have no idea what size I am anymore. Hardly anything fits right! Plus sizes are really getting to baggy on me, but Misses sizes are just way too small, WAY too small. So it's not even like I'll be in the Misses until I lose another 15-20 pounds.

I go into a store and LOVE the clothes. Start grabbing the pretty floral dresses, cute denim skirts, springy tees. Then I get to the fitting room and one by one, I'm flinging them off in a fit. I leave the fitting room totally frustrated and near tears.

I just keep pulling up the pictures from my previous blog and looking at those, hoping to get my spirits up and KNOW that so far I've been pretty successful.

Who would have thought that losing weight would be this much of a downer?

:)

THIRTY!!!

So I'm down 30 pounds. My mind plays tricks on me. I look in the mirror and I don't see it, and I knew this would happen. Soooo...I had Chaston take pictures of me right before surgery so I could do before/after shots. What a motivator this has been for me this week! I can't wait to see the next 30 pounds vanish! YIPPEE!!!

I got a brand new pair of blue jeans

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wpx9js5b21U&feature=related

Blue jeans. I am obsessed with them. I have more pairs than should humanly be allowed. I'm always on the lookout for the perfect fit/color/amount of distress/length.

And jeans tell no lies. You don't have to ask if they make your butt look big. If you've gained a few, they will tell you. You don't have to ask if your diet is finally paying off. If you have lost a few, they will tell you that too. Who needs a digital scale to tell you what you already know because your jeans have screamed it to you already?

Well, I have had to clean out my closet of my bigger size jeans, and pulled forward all the old jeans that were too small last year. My jeans have finally realized my weight loss and are too big. This is a victory for me. I am wiggling between misses and plus size right now and am so looking forward to not being limited to shopping in the plus size section.

My weight loss to date is 30 pounds!!! **doing the happy dance**

Random Thoughts

1. Please don't ask me, "Can you eat that?" Yes, I can, watch me. If I pick something up and put it in my mouth, it's because I can eat it.

2. I have no idea how to respond when someone who is very very overweight says, "I have the lapband, it didn't work for me. Good luck." What am I supposed to say to that??

3. Not getting to drink with my meals just plain stinks! After I eat, I'm thirsty. I really think this might be one of the most difficult things for me.

4. I've lost almost 25 pounds. This is GREAT! But when I go shopping I want size 12s to fit. They don't. Still have a long ways to go. But when I was painting my toe nails today, I didn't get out of breath from having to bend over.

5. I miss having a Diet Coke at 2:30 PM every week day.

6. I get sad when I'm full. Like tonight...I had Parmesan crusted tilapia with tomato sauce. It was DELICIOUS. I only got halfway through it before I was stuffed. This makes me sad. I wanted more.

7. I have found the best sugar free cookies. But I want to eat more than one. Must. Stop. Buying. Cookies. Even sugar free ones.

8. Thank you IHOP for catering to people who have different diets. Your Egg Beaters Turkey Bacon Swiss omelette is the best!

9. If you're reading my blog, will you please say so? I think my mom is the only one who reads this...well, and everyone else she makes read it. Thanks to my biggest fan! Love ya, Mom!!

My first fill!!

Well, I got my first fill today. I have to admit that I was pretty nervous. I had done so much research and asked so many questions about the surgery (I even went as far as to find a video of the surgery on YouTube!), that I felt I could have performed it if I needed to. But when it came to the fill part of the equation, I was pretty clueless. Sure, I had read about other people’s experiences, but they vary so much from doctor to doctor, that I had no idea what I was going to deal with.

So here’s how it worked…

I got there, a little early as I usually am, and weighed in. I’m down exactly 20 pounds since starting this journey back on December 29, 2009. So, YAY ME! Anywho… The Bariatric Center is in the process of moving their offices, so we were in a teeny tiny room at the Outpatient Pavilion. And in this tiny room is a HUGE machine…HUGE! And a little cot looking thing, and a table with a few syringes. YIKES! I’m told to lay down and pull up my shirt. I suck in my stomach. HELLO, Chrysta…you’re fat, and they know it. So I try to relax while the nurse rubs something on my belly to disinfect the area. Doc comes in and they roll this big machine over me and there on a little TV screen is my insides!! How cool is that? My dad would have loved this! I can see my port, and my ribs. Cool!

He sticks me with a little lidocaine and then injects 2 cc’s of saline. I’m watching the screen and can see when the saline makes its way down the tube. Cool! I feel a little bit of pressure, but nothing horrible. And…DONE!

I get diet instructions for the next 5 days: full liquid for first 2 days, soft/puree for 2 days, soft solids the last day. PHOOEY! I just got the taste of food back in my mouth and now I’m back on protein drinks. Oh well…SOOOOO worth it!!

I did ask about the burping. Doc said as long as I didn’t have heartburn, it was just a minor inconvenience and maybe it will go away as I get filled. My kids LOVE it! All day I try to let out little burps as quietly as I can. But when I’m at home in the evenings…I just let them out. Coby cracks up every time! He’s such a boy! Chaston just tries to top mine. HAHAHA!

Now I sit and hope that I don’t get as hungry as I have in the past. He said it’s not unusual to fill little to no restriction with this little amount, and give them a call in a couple of weeks if I need more. And I am released to start exercising. YIPPEE!!

Oh…and Mom…I can pick up Coby now.

V-day or Doomsday?

Well, V-day is upon us, and all I can say is PHOOEY! Sooo...I've decided to come up with a list of reasons why I'm thankful I don't have a "Valentine" this year.

1. Gifts. Oh how I love to receive. But when it comes to buying someone special the perfect V-day gift, how stressful! Especially if you haven't been in a relationship very long or you just don't know him that well yet. What if I spent more than him? What if he spent more than me? Well, I guess that last one wouldn't be all that bad, would it? Hmmm...might need to rethink this one. LOL!

2. I'm sure there would be a date night. So I'm going to go into a sub-list of why this would be awful.

A) I would have to get a new outfit. I heart shopping...unless I'm looking for something super specific, and then I hate it. It just takes all the fun out of it. And then the outfit might not fit in a month, or Spring will be here and it will be too warm to wear it again, or we will break up and then I would have that stupid outfit to look at as a constant reminder of what was. Sigh...

B) I would have to find a babysitter. Finding a babysitter on Valentine's weekend is a challenge in itself. Once I were to find one, while I'm out enjoying a nice dinner or whatever, I would be mentally calculating how much to pay the babysitter. And is Coby okay? Is he getting as much love and attention as he deserves?

C) Lap-Band. Would he wonder why I'm eating so slow? Would he wonder why I'm not eating much at all? And if I tell him, will he ask lots of nosy questions? And then there's the gas...the burping would begin! How awful!

3. Chocolates. I'm sure he would think it nice to bring me candy. But for a Bandster, not so much fun. I wouldn't be able to eat it. And then would he get offended because I didn't eat his yummy gift?

4. Flowers. They will die. They will smell. They will leave a dried up mess on the floor as I'm trying to carry them to the trash.

Isn't all this just AWFUL?!?! I just don't even think I could stand it. The stress alone is enough to make it one of the most horrible holidays ever!

Oh...who am I kidding? Bring on the presents, I'd shop til I dropped, take Coby with us on the date, care less what he thought about my Band, eat at least ONE chocolate, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting flowers! Now...if I could just find a Valentine....

YIPPEE!!

So for the first time since 12/29/09 I actually got to go to a restaurant and order a REAL meal (other than the spoonful of refried beans at Casa -- that didn't count)! We went to Cheddar's and I had Grilled Mango Salsa Tilapia, topped with shrimp and carrots and mashed potatoes. Now, I didn't eat ALL that. I ate less than half of the fish, one shrimp, a few carrots and a nibble of taters.

When I was done and loaded up the to go box with the leftovers I saw that I have at least TWO more meals in there! And when we left the restaurant, I was just so stinkin' proud! I did it! I restrained from over eating and hurting myself. I ordered good AND good for me food.

Another big score was that I ate something I normally wouldn't have eaten. I would have normally gorged myself on a Monte Cristo or their Spasagna. So I tried something new...and ya know what?? I liked it!!

Now that I'm home, my stomach doesn't hurt, I'm not ready to go lay down, I feel GOOD!

I can do this!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!