2012 is MY year!

Next week will be 2 years since I started this journey, when I had my surgery. What a crazy eye opening experience! I have learned so much about myself and I MUST make some changes.

Reading back over my past blogs, I've done alot of making promises to change, whining that I can't do it, making excuses. I'm ashamed. I'm nothing but alot of talk and hot air.

I was pouting and havin one big pity party the other night. Thinking about how yet another year has passed and I'm still single and still overweight and now I'm brunette! EEK! lol...okay, so the brunette thing isn't that bad, it's just a change. :)

Two years ago, I was on a full liquid diet for FOUR weeks! Then I ate nothing but tuna and crab salad, greek yogurt, fish, veggies, cut out fast food, drank tons of water and logged all the fat and protein intake. Guess what?? I LOST WEIGHT! Imagine that!

Last year I started making some pretty bad choices...sodas, fast food, binging...etc. And something that only 3 people know: I am also being treated for lap band induced bulimia. Nice, huh? This is when I eat the wrong things and eat so much of it that it makes me throw up. I haven't lost weight because I can keep super sugary things down, but it has taken it's toll on me physically. My hair loss and breaking is one of them. My skin breaks out. My nails are splitting and breaking. Constant heartburn. And then there is the fear that my band will slip. If this happens, this means more surgery and possible band removal. I can't let that happen!

Sooooo....what to do? What to do? CHANGE! Go back to what works. What I put in my mouth is MY choice. No one is holding me down forcing that Mexican pizza and onion rings and french fries down my throat. I am the one going out and buying it. NO MORE!

Today was a grocery trip to stock back up on the foods that helped me succeed. Tonight is a trip to Casa Ole with the boys. Tomorrow is a brand new start. No more beating myself up for the poor choices I made in the past.

The other thing that must change is my self hatred and self disgust. I lost 80 pounds in 2010. I gained 30 pounds in 2011. I need to see that I am still 50 pounds lighter than I was to begin with!! And just like my hair color does not define me...neither does my weight. I have a pretty bad habit of having these massive pity parties where I just sit on the couch and cry about being fat and lonely. PHOOEY! get over it Chrysta! I almost let this keep me home New Year's Eve. My friend texted me and told me to get over myself, slap on my Spanx and let's roll! Couldn't argue with that. I let loose and had a great time!

When I choose to focus on the negative, what good will come of that? God don't make mistakes...every time I think about being fat and single and alone...well, I'm kinda saying God is wrong, and we all know that's not right!

I am an amazing mother, a good friend, witty, cute, smart, great credit score (lol), and have a knack for finding some gorgeous shoes at great prices. I am more than my jean size and whatever number is on my scale.

So 2012 is a new year...why not a new me? Well, not really a NEW me...maybe just an improved version. :)

My first goal...No shopping for 15 pounds. This means no purchasing shoes, clothes, purses, jewelry for myself until I lose 15 pounds. If you know me, even a little bit, you would know that this is major. This means until I lose 15 pounds, I might actually have to wear all the clothes I curently have in my closet. OH MY! lol! I'll be thinking about my next goal as I strive to reach the first. Feel free to post an idea for me if you have one.

Whew! Glad to get all that off my chest. Now...here we go. 2012....BRING IT ON!