UGH!

So I realized I haven't updated in a couple months and thought I'd catch you up.

So back at the end of September I had the struggle with the fill and had to have half removed. Well 5 weeks later I finally went back to have some more taken out. From the day I had the fill in September to the day I had some removed in November, I lost about 22 pounds. I was ALWAYS throwing up. No matter what went in my mouth, it came back up...even water. I had several nights where I woke up choking on vomit/acid. I was borderline dehydrated. Why did I let it go on so long? Silly question...I lost almost 20 pounds! Pretty stupid, huh?

Now here I sit and wonder will there ever be a day that I don't throw up? Will I ever be able to just be normal? Or is THIS my new normal?

I miss food. Oh how stupid I feel saying that. I watch people in restaurants and on TV eating to their heart's content. And there I sit staring at the menu and thinking what will stay down?

I will probably wait til after the holidays and will go back to the doctor and see about getting more taken out.

Oh...and still not exercising. Whatever.

Weight loss to date -- 66 pounds. One month away from my "Band-versary!" :)

FIFTY! 50!!! FIVE OH!!!

OH HAPPY DAY!!!

What a difference! 50 pounds is like carrying around TWO Cobys ALL DAY LONG...EVERY DAY!! WHOA!

Just updating my pics!

Thanks again!

Taking the bad with the good

The reason I started this blog was to share not only my struggles and my success, but also how this whole process unfolded for me. This way if there is someone out there thinking about having lapband, they can use my experiences to move forward.

I had my 4th fill scheduled for last Tuesday morning. It was well overdue. I had gotten to a point where I could almost eat what I wanted and however much I wanted. But I also knew I needed to be in the right mindset to get it done. This fill was going to seriously hinder my eating. Yes, I know, this is what I paid for, but the band does NOT take away the desire for food...just the ability to eat it.

I walked in the office and was greeted with the usual smiles and gushing about how good I looked. Another plug for the Bariatric Center in Beaumont. The staff is great! I never feel like a number or like a paycheck to them. I'm a person that they want to see be successful. It's great. Dr. Dean welcomed me and then bragged on the 10 pounds I've lost since there last time in May. He even commented on my baggy jeans and told me I needed to get some new ones. Yes sir! Don't have to tell me twice. LOL!

We discussed how much to fill, 1 cc or .5. At $150/fill, I decided to go with 1 cc. I was in and out within about 15 minutes. I did ask about seeing the therapist about some of my food addiction issues. He was pleased that I acknowledged I needed some help. He said alot won't admit it and then wind up allowing the band to fail. That's not an option for me. So I will see Dr. Monk on Wednesday to discuss those issues.

Pretty simple, huh? Yep...until it all went wrong...

A couple of hours later, I started feeling kinda ick. I hadn't eaten all day and was anxious to get a protein drink, thinking that might help. I get one, and start sipping. A few minutes later, I realized it wasn't going down. It wasn't getting through the band. Not good. It came back up. I tried a couple sips of water. Nope. Back up again. I tried to wait it out, thinking I was just swollen and maybe it would stop and I would finally get something down. But after the 3rd time I threw up my own saliva, I knew it was time to call the doctor.

Ewwww...gross, right? But it's just the way it is. :shrug:

Doctor wanted me back immediately for an unfill. I got back there and they didn't have an xray tech to run the fluorscope (the big thing that takes pics of my insides), so the doc was just going to have to feel around to find my port. This was not a good idea. After about the 20th stick, he needed some help. Yay for the lidocaine that he uses to numb my stomach before sticking me. He finally found it and removed about .5 cc.

Was it worth it?? Oh heck yeah!! I'm only able to eat a few bites and then I'm full. It's been great. I've already dropped 4 pounds since Tuesday! I'm only 1 pound from 50 pounds lost. This will be a pretty major milestone for me and I can't wait! I'm so glad I made the decision to do this. And I'm even more pleased with the amount of support I've gotten. Thank you to all my family and friends for your support and excitement for me.

More than halfway to my 90 pound goal!!!

Livng LARGE!

Thought I'd update a lil bit. I don't have much to report as far as losing tons of weight...but because of my working out, I still seem to be shrinking. I'm sure there's all sorts of biological reasons for this, but I don't know them...I just know I like it. :) I have to admit that I underestimated Curves. I had read some posts on the lapbandtalk.com site about how it's boring and just doesn't do anything, blah, blah. But I gave it a try...and I really like it. I walk out of there like a wet noodle. I'm sweating and weak. The "Naomis" that are in there working out are having a grand time visiting and chatting and every now and then will look at the poor blonde grunting and dripping in sweat. I push myself...I will be successful.

I haven't had a fill since the first of May, and for the past couple of months, have really been able to eat more than I should. And if I can eat more, I will. If I didn't have these kinds of self control issues, I wouldn't have had to have this surgery. I go tomorrow to have another fill that I hope will jump start me losing again.

Went shopping this weekend, one of my favorite past times. Went to Old Navy to get some fall clothes in preparation of the cooler weather. I grabbed a cute sweater that was an XL, just as I was about to walk off I grabbed a Large...just to see. I went to the fitting room and slipped on the XL first. Hmmm...let's see how that Large fits. It fit perfectly!!

Last winter, I bought a couple of sweaters and coats from Old Navy that were all XXLs. Yes, that's TWO EXTRA LARGE. So when I realized I was going to be able to wear a Large...I was excited, thrilled, ecstatic. I wanted to tell everyone...but I restrained myself and just gushed to my mom and dad...and a friend of mine from church, Nicole, whom I bumped into while there. :) Thanks for sharing in my joy!

When Chaston got home last night, he was hanging out with me in my room while I unpacked all my new clothes. I told him that last winter I was a size XXL, and then I showed him the tag on one of my new sweaters. I held up my fist for one of our fist bump explosions (yeah, cheesey, but it's our thing), but instead I got a great big bear hug. He told me he was so proud.

I spend so much of my time being Chaston's #1 fan that I forget that he's MY #1 fan. With that kind of support, I can NOT fail.

Sigh...

I just ate lunch. It was yummy. I want more. I can't eat more. I'm sad. So silly. That is all.

fair

I get that God didn't promise us life would be fair...but just once, maybe...just MAYBE something could go our way. Maybe...

Addiction

It's been rough lately. Take tonight for instance...I had 1 baby carrot, 1 bite of broccoli/cheese casserole, 1 shrimp, and 2 bites of tilapia. That's it. And I feel like I could puke! This morning I opened my refrigerator door and had 5 boxes of leftovers. I go out to eat and can't eat 1/3 of my meal...and then I get super super ticked off. At first I found this funny, that I would get mad when I got full. I mean, this is what I paid for right? What I wasn't prepared for was the actual emotions I would have when I can't eat.

So I've been checking out my lapband.com message board and it seems to be a common issue. Yes, I am a food addict. I am addicted to something that is not only legal, it is necessary to sustain my life. It's like telling an alcoholic, he must drink every day, but ONLY 1 tiny sip four or five times a day. It seems a bit drastic to compare my food issues to something so life altering as being an alcoholic. But this is seriously how I feel and what I am dealing with on a daily basis. One of the things offered to us bandsters is a monthly support group meeting, but I have yet to go. I have to find someone to talk to about this. Someone that would understand what I'm dealing with.

Again, you may think I'm being melodramatic, but this mental thing I'm going through has not been fun.

I have lost nothing in about a month. Still not working out, still have all the excuses and all the stress and all the laziness.

Going Backwards

Soooo...I don't even know how to start. I guess it's confession time. This is why I started this blog: so I could have a place to go and vent and celebrate.

I'm falling back into some pretty bad habits. Unnecessary snacking, sneak eating, eating til it hurts...the usual. Why? I have no idea. Wait...maybe I do.

I've always said, I'm not an emotional eater. "I don't eat when I'm happy/sad/angry/stressed...I just eat b/c I like food." Well...I have to admit, I do believe I'm an emotional eater.

Over the past month, I have faced some serious stressors and even some straight up slaps to the face. I'm exhausted and spiraling into a depression. As I put the empty carton of ice cream down tonight, I just stared at it and got MAD! In about 15 minutes I ate a pint of ice cream! WHAT?!?!

What am I doing?!?! Why am I hellbent on sabotaging myself? This is RIDICULOUS! I have got to start logging my food and making good smart choices again. If there's nothing else in my life I can control...I can control what I put in my mouth.

So here I go again....gonna do this RIGHT!

I'm just sayin....

41 pounds! YIPPEE!! My minigoal was to lose 42 pounds by my birthday. Well, that was yesterday and I fell just 1 pound short. I am NOT going to beat myself up about it at all! I'm feeling grrrreat, not just physically...I feel better self esteem wise too. It's all paying off. I still get mad when I get full though. LOL!

Next week, I will be heading to Curves to start working out. This will only push me even further in my goal. I'm super excited and know that only good things are coming.

I'm just kinda using this blog to show off if you don't mind. I'm lookin kinda cute if I say so myself. ;)

Just checking in...

Nothing much to report. Down about 38 pounds, and still trucking right along. I got my third fill the other day and can really tell a difference. I usually sit and nibble on some Goldfish Crackers with Coby in the evenings...not anymore! After just a small handful, I can fill they start getting a little stuck. I knew the day would come when yummy carbs like bread, crackers, and such would be painful and out of the question...here I am. But it's weird because it's not like that all the time. For the most part I have to be really careful how I eat. It's challenging.

When I went to get my fill this week, it was the first time to see my surgeon since the day of surgery. When I walked in, he said, "You're looking good, girl!" Now, he might say that to all his patients, but I'm taking it! LOL! And the girls fawned over me and my accessories and acted like my BFFs. Treating me as a person, rather than a number is so important through this process. They did remind me that in just 12 more pounds I will get to go get a complimentary mani, pedi, or facial at their spa. That's something to look forward to! The doctor encouraged me to start working out...something I have all the best intentions of doing...I just haven't. This is where I could list all my excuses, but they're really not good ones. I would lose so much faster and would tone up considerably. I just need to get off my hiney and do it!

Another thing the Bariatric Center is doing is having a "Clean out your closet" sale on Saturday May 22 from 9-12. This gives us a chance to sell our stuff that we've "undergrown." I have soooo much that I'm ready to part with. What's bad is all the clothes that I've either worn only once (maybe twice) or never even worn! My mom and Ashley are coming with me to help, so if nothing else, it'll be fun!

So I leave you all with this note from Coby:

jttfjggjfffffjzjjjjjjjjjjjtfrfrtresdddddddddddddddddd

***Translation: MY MOM ROCKS!

:)

Frustrated

Okay...so you had to know the happy and optimistic posts would have to one day give way to a sour frustrated one. Well, here it is.

I'm down 32.2 pounds. Which is great, right? But one of my loves is shopping. I love to shop. Well, not anymore! I have no idea what size I am anymore. Hardly anything fits right! Plus sizes are really getting to baggy on me, but Misses sizes are just way too small, WAY too small. So it's not even like I'll be in the Misses until I lose another 15-20 pounds.

I go into a store and LOVE the clothes. Start grabbing the pretty floral dresses, cute denim skirts, springy tees. Then I get to the fitting room and one by one, I'm flinging them off in a fit. I leave the fitting room totally frustrated and near tears.

I just keep pulling up the pictures from my previous blog and looking at those, hoping to get my spirits up and KNOW that so far I've been pretty successful.

Who would have thought that losing weight would be this much of a downer?

:)

THIRTY!!!

So I'm down 30 pounds. My mind plays tricks on me. I look in the mirror and I don't see it, and I knew this would happen. Soooo...I had Chaston take pictures of me right before surgery so I could do before/after shots. What a motivator this has been for me this week! I can't wait to see the next 30 pounds vanish! YIPPEE!!!

I got a brand new pair of blue jeans

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wpx9js5b21U&feature=related

Blue jeans. I am obsessed with them. I have more pairs than should humanly be allowed. I'm always on the lookout for the perfect fit/color/amount of distress/length.

And jeans tell no lies. You don't have to ask if they make your butt look big. If you've gained a few, they will tell you. You don't have to ask if your diet is finally paying off. If you have lost a few, they will tell you that too. Who needs a digital scale to tell you what you already know because your jeans have screamed it to you already?

Well, I have had to clean out my closet of my bigger size jeans, and pulled forward all the old jeans that were too small last year. My jeans have finally realized my weight loss and are too big. This is a victory for me. I am wiggling between misses and plus size right now and am so looking forward to not being limited to shopping in the plus size section.

My weight loss to date is 30 pounds!!! **doing the happy dance**

Random Thoughts

1. Please don't ask me, "Can you eat that?" Yes, I can, watch me. If I pick something up and put it in my mouth, it's because I can eat it.

2. I have no idea how to respond when someone who is very very overweight says, "I have the lapband, it didn't work for me. Good luck." What am I supposed to say to that??

3. Not getting to drink with my meals just plain stinks! After I eat, I'm thirsty. I really think this might be one of the most difficult things for me.

4. I've lost almost 25 pounds. This is GREAT! But when I go shopping I want size 12s to fit. They don't. Still have a long ways to go. But when I was painting my toe nails today, I didn't get out of breath from having to bend over.

5. I miss having a Diet Coke at 2:30 PM every week day.

6. I get sad when I'm full. Like tonight...I had Parmesan crusted tilapia with tomato sauce. It was DELICIOUS. I only got halfway through it before I was stuffed. This makes me sad. I wanted more.

7. I have found the best sugar free cookies. But I want to eat more than one. Must. Stop. Buying. Cookies. Even sugar free ones.

8. Thank you IHOP for catering to people who have different diets. Your Egg Beaters Turkey Bacon Swiss omelette is the best!

9. If you're reading my blog, will you please say so? I think my mom is the only one who reads this...well, and everyone else she makes read it. Thanks to my biggest fan! Love ya, Mom!!

My first fill!!

Well, I got my first fill today. I have to admit that I was pretty nervous. I had done so much research and asked so many questions about the surgery (I even went as far as to find a video of the surgery on YouTube!), that I felt I could have performed it if I needed to. But when it came to the fill part of the equation, I was pretty clueless. Sure, I had read about other people’s experiences, but they vary so much from doctor to doctor, that I had no idea what I was going to deal with.

So here’s how it worked…

I got there, a little early as I usually am, and weighed in. I’m down exactly 20 pounds since starting this journey back on December 29, 2009. So, YAY ME! Anywho… The Bariatric Center is in the process of moving their offices, so we were in a teeny tiny room at the Outpatient Pavilion. And in this tiny room is a HUGE machine…HUGE! And a little cot looking thing, and a table with a few syringes. YIKES! I’m told to lay down and pull up my shirt. I suck in my stomach. HELLO, Chrysta…you’re fat, and they know it. So I try to relax while the nurse rubs something on my belly to disinfect the area. Doc comes in and they roll this big machine over me and there on a little TV screen is my insides!! How cool is that? My dad would have loved this! I can see my port, and my ribs. Cool!

He sticks me with a little lidocaine and then injects 2 cc’s of saline. I’m watching the screen and can see when the saline makes its way down the tube. Cool! I feel a little bit of pressure, but nothing horrible. And…DONE!

I get diet instructions for the next 5 days: full liquid for first 2 days, soft/puree for 2 days, soft solids the last day. PHOOEY! I just got the taste of food back in my mouth and now I’m back on protein drinks. Oh well…SOOOOO worth it!!

I did ask about the burping. Doc said as long as I didn’t have heartburn, it was just a minor inconvenience and maybe it will go away as I get filled. My kids LOVE it! All day I try to let out little burps as quietly as I can. But when I’m at home in the evenings…I just let them out. Coby cracks up every time! He’s such a boy! Chaston just tries to top mine. HAHAHA!

Now I sit and hope that I don’t get as hungry as I have in the past. He said it’s not unusual to fill little to no restriction with this little amount, and give them a call in a couple of weeks if I need more. And I am released to start exercising. YIPPEE!!

Oh…and Mom…I can pick up Coby now.

V-day or Doomsday?

Well, V-day is upon us, and all I can say is PHOOEY! Sooo...I've decided to come up with a list of reasons why I'm thankful I don't have a "Valentine" this year.

1. Gifts. Oh how I love to receive. But when it comes to buying someone special the perfect V-day gift, how stressful! Especially if you haven't been in a relationship very long or you just don't know him that well yet. What if I spent more than him? What if he spent more than me? Well, I guess that last one wouldn't be all that bad, would it? Hmmm...might need to rethink this one. LOL!

2. I'm sure there would be a date night. So I'm going to go into a sub-list of why this would be awful.

A) I would have to get a new outfit. I heart shopping...unless I'm looking for something super specific, and then I hate it. It just takes all the fun out of it. And then the outfit might not fit in a month, or Spring will be here and it will be too warm to wear it again, or we will break up and then I would have that stupid outfit to look at as a constant reminder of what was. Sigh...

B) I would have to find a babysitter. Finding a babysitter on Valentine's weekend is a challenge in itself. Once I were to find one, while I'm out enjoying a nice dinner or whatever, I would be mentally calculating how much to pay the babysitter. And is Coby okay? Is he getting as much love and attention as he deserves?

C) Lap-Band. Would he wonder why I'm eating so slow? Would he wonder why I'm not eating much at all? And if I tell him, will he ask lots of nosy questions? And then there's the gas...the burping would begin! How awful!

3. Chocolates. I'm sure he would think it nice to bring me candy. But for a Bandster, not so much fun. I wouldn't be able to eat it. And then would he get offended because I didn't eat his yummy gift?

4. Flowers. They will die. They will smell. They will leave a dried up mess on the floor as I'm trying to carry them to the trash.

Isn't all this just AWFUL?!?! I just don't even think I could stand it. The stress alone is enough to make it one of the most horrible holidays ever!

Oh...who am I kidding? Bring on the presents, I'd shop til I dropped, take Coby with us on the date, care less what he thought about my Band, eat at least ONE chocolate, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting flowers! Now...if I could just find a Valentine....

YIPPEE!!

So for the first time since 12/29/09 I actually got to go to a restaurant and order a REAL meal (other than the spoonful of refried beans at Casa -- that didn't count)! We went to Cheddar's and I had Grilled Mango Salsa Tilapia, topped with shrimp and carrots and mashed potatoes. Now, I didn't eat ALL that. I ate less than half of the fish, one shrimp, a few carrots and a nibble of taters.

When I was done and loaded up the to go box with the leftovers I saw that I have at least TWO more meals in there! And when we left the restaurant, I was just so stinkin' proud! I did it! I restrained from over eating and hurting myself. I ordered good AND good for me food.

Another big score was that I ate something I normally wouldn't have eaten. I would have normally gorged myself on a Monte Cristo or their Spasagna. So I tried something new...and ya know what?? I liked it!!

Now that I'm home, my stomach doesn't hurt, I'm not ready to go lay down, I feel GOOD!

I can do this!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!

So What's Going On Now?

I'm not going to lie and say this has been fun. It hasn't. As of today I've been on a liquid diet for 23 days, and I'm more than ready to have some REAL food...I wanna CHEW! I've never looked forward to pureed food, but here I am salivating over all the goodies I'm gonna throw in the food processor next week. I've found some great bariatric websites and some yummy recipes I can't wait to try out! Yes...I'm going to COOK!!

So here's a few of my biggest issues:

Things taste weird. I'll be honest...I had a nibble of mashed potatoes tonight and they tasted off somehow. Things smell funny. I can't explain it. I don't know if it's the new addition of protein to my diet. I've always been a carb girl, so all this protein is new to me. And the protein I'm getting is not meat or beans...it's all liquid. And don't get me started on the dry packaged proteins. VOMIT! Can't do it. Ick! Yuck! Give me Atkins protein shakes til I can get my hands on some tuna and fish.

Gas pains. Sorry, but it has to be said. Gas is a problem. No, I'm not a burping and tooting machine. Gross...although my boys would think it's HILARIOUS! It's more just gas bubbles that get stuck and cause horrible pain in my side and in my shoulder. I'll either figure out how to get it out or live with it. We'll see.

I'm still hungry. The LapBand does not turn off the head hunger. And the small amounts of "food" I'm allowed don't satisfy me and won't until I get my first fill. I still want to eat foods. I've learned that if I'm going to go out to eat and can only drink my protein shake, I need to have a little soup or something before I go to quieten the head hunger voices. If I go eat when I'm at the "give me food or I will rip your head off" stage, it's too late. I'm going to get emotional. Once I start drinking my shake, I'm good. It really does satisfy me. But I do have to be careful on how hungry I allow myself to get.

What have I done? Yes...I've had this thought on more than one occasion. What have I done? What do you mean I can't cheat and have just this piece of pizza? Or some gumbo? Or even a SALAD?!?!? Yeah, I've panicked...and then I got over it. LOL!

Okay...so here are the good things:

I'm sleeping better than I was before. It's amazing how bad I slept after a night of gorging on Taco Bell or Jack in the Box or Casa Ole. I can't even begin to explain the difference.

Heartburn? What heartburn? Again...I lived on fast food and grease. It's amazing I have an esophagus left! Gone. No more Tums for me!

What do I do with all this money??? Do you realize that I was spending approximately $25 A DAY on fast food?!?! I pulled up my bank account and estimate that I was probably spending about $150 A WEEK on junk food. I am so embarrassed to even type that. Seriously. And then b/c I was just getting fatter, I would go shopping. I figured if I dressed better, no one would notice. HA! So all the shopping for clothes for me has been cut off indefinitely. I have an obscene amount of clothes ranging 3 sizes that I can work my way down to. No need for anything new at the moment.

So...this is where I stand. As of today, after being on a liquid diet for 23 days, I've lost almost 17 pounds. Yes, that's great, but I still have a long road ahead of me. And from what I've heard, once I start adding real food to my diet, I will gain about 5 back, so I need to really prepare myself for that. I have my postop visit with Dr. Dean on the 26th. A few more weeks and I'll be able to really start a workout. I'm looking forward to that honestly. Short skirts and tank tops...here I come!:)

BTW -- went to Sonic the other day after a 3 week absence to get Peggy a Diet Coke. I told Peggy I'm shocked they haven't called to check on me and ask where I've been. Carhop comes out, I roll down the window, she says, "Girrrl! Where have you been?!?! Didn't see you this morning!!" Oh. Em. Gee. Peggy bust in a fit of giggles and I wanted to crawl under my seat. To make it worse, the car hop says, "You haven't been here to get your cheese sticks or your breakfast burrito!" Yeah...she knows my 2 orders by heart. Time to be best buds with the people at the gym instead of the carhop at Sonic.

The last 36 hours

I love all of you!! I have been absolutely overwhelmed by the support and well wishes and prayers! I'm so glad I decided to share this with all of you rather than keep it all bottled up.

Tuesday morning started out like any other. Got up, did hair and makeup and got the boys up and ready for the day. Then my parents took me to the Outpatient Center in Beaumont. I wasn't nervous, until I walked in and checked in. That was when I started the second guessing. But thanks to all my friends and the text messages and facebook messages, I knew I could do this.

First and foremost, I have to say that my nurses were AMAZING! Friendly, upbeat, caring, I could go on and on. Everything was going great when I got to my little cubby hole, until the nurse tried to start the IV. The vein she was trying wasn't working and of course I got nauseous and had a slight fainting spell. It was no biggie to me once I came out of it, but the news made the rounds and every nurse and doc that came in after that had a comment to make. LOL!

Dr. Dean came in and met my family and lectured them about how they are not to impede my process. He explained to them that I would be eating slowly and not eating much, and that in no way means I'm depressed and they should offer me M&Ms and ice cream. I knew right then I had made the right choice in doctors. He cared about my success. I wasn't just another paycheck to him, I was going to be one of his success stories.

The anesthesiologist came in and told me once he gave me the Versed, I wouldn't remember ever leaving the cubby hole. He was right! I don't remember anything after that except for a recovery nurse making me open my eyes and look at her. Once I did that, I closed my eyes and passed back out. I didn't really wake up until about 4 or 4:30. My surgery was at 10 AM so that was a long time to be out, especially when I had been told I would probably be out of there by 3. My parents were told that when I got back to the operating room, I became nervous and fidgety so they gave me more Versed, that's why I was out for so long. I have absolutely NO recollection of this whatsoever and am so curious as to what I said or did. YIKES!

Finally at about 5:30, I was packed up and heading down to the car. My nurse gave me a big hug when she got me in the car and told me I had to come back in a few months so they could see the new me. I won't, but she was just so sweet to be excited for me and this process. I was just so ready to be home. I had some dry heaving spells on the way home, which is NOT good with this operation, but I think they forgot to give me the anti-nausea meds. I got those as soon as I got home and haven't had any issues since then.

My parents have been amazing! My mom is a nervous wreck with giving me the narcotics, but I'm already weaning myself off those. Coby Bear has not been pleased with this whole situation. Last night he was okay b/c I was passed out in the recliner and he was confused. Today when he got home from daycare, I was sitting on the couch and came running in and tried to scramble up on my lap. My parents both pulled him off and the screaming began. My mom held him and he screamed, "LAP! LAP!" while pointing at me. I felt horrible! But I know this is just a short while, and then we'll be back to normal. I asked Chaston if I looked skinnier and he laughed and said "Oh yeah, you do! Wow!" LOL!

I'm still in recovery and in some pain (mainly from the gas YUCK), so I can't say right now that I'm thrilled that I did this. I will have to report that in a couple of months. All I kept thinking last night was, "I PAID someone to do this to me?!?!" And I told my dad that my dream tummy tuck just might not ever happen. It will be much more painful than this and I'm just not ready for that.

Okay...that's all I have the energy for right now. Can't wait for my mom to get home from church...I want a Popsicle.

The Beginning -- I'M SO EXCITED!

A friend of mine challenged me to start blogging about my journey, but the real challenge came when she told me to keep it POSITIVE and no WHINING. YIKES!! This WILL be a challenge, but I'll try. Plus, I've been getting quite a few questions on Facebook about why I'm doing a liquid diet, so I thought I'd try to answer those questions here.

This summer Chaston and I made our annual trip to Splashtown for some Mom and son fun. After climbing up the thousands of steps on just 2 rides, I was pooped and couldn't do anymore. I could barely breathe by the time we got to the top. He wouldn't ride the slides by himself, so we spent the rest of the afternoon lounging in the wave pool, sitting on our behinds. I felt HORRIBLE! We still had fun, but it just wasn't the same. Because my out of shape bootie couldn't climb up the stairs, he suffered.

So of course, I came home and pulled out my Nutrisystem foods I'd saved from earlier this year, and just the thought of swallowing another one made me literally gag. So I did Weight Watchers and lost nothing. This sent me back to the "Fat Doctor" for shots and pills. Nothing.

So I started looking into the Lap Band. I kept this quiet for some time b/c I feared people's reactions: It's the easy way out, it's for lazy people, you'll never lose weight on that, etc. So I talked to the one person that would tell me the truth -- my mom. Her response? "I'm surprised you haven't looked into this sooner." Once I had her support, I knew I was going to do this.

After several months of dealing with the insurance company (who would not qualify me since I didn't have any other problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure or sleep apnea), consults, meetings with dietician, clinical director, surgeon, even a Licensed Professional Counselor, on January 12th I will be heading to St. E's outpatient center to have Lab Band surgery.

I started my 14 day full liquid pre-op diet on Tuesday (I'm on day 5 right now). It's been tough, especially on the weekend when everything revolves around eating. But so far I have been successful, with only a little whining here and there. Then there's a 6 week process of weaning back to solid food. Again, not an easy thing to do. I will have 6 months membership to the Wellness Center and 5 free meetings with a personal trainer to help me start my exercise journey. They also have great support group meetings once a month that I fully plan to be a regular member of. It's going to be great!

I have been pleasantly surprised with the outpouring of support I've receive from family and friends. I've met people that are several years out from their surgery, and have come across several people that are on the same path as myself. It's great to have a support group, and this couldn't be done without all of them...and all of you reading this.

I have about 100 pounds to lose (as you can tell by the pic included in this post), and have been told it could be accomplished in about a year. It will be quite the journey, but I plan on using this blog to pour out my feelings. I'm not they type to hide this. I'm not going to lose 100 pounds and lie about how I did it. Plus I need to write my feelings...makes me feel better. :)

I WILL SUCCEED!