Has it really been 18 months since I posted here? Wow! I guess I just didn't have anything that imporant to say...or I was just saying it in bits and pieces on Facebook. Oh that darn Facebook...what would we do without it? Anywho....time to update on my lapband drama. That's the reason I started this blog in the first place -- to talk about the ups and downs, highs and lows of dealing with having had bariatric surgery.
Well, here comes one big ginormous LOW! Come Wednesday, June 25, I will be losing my Lap-Buddy...it's coming out. And I have very very mixed emotions about this.
The LB drama started earlier this year. I can't pinpoint when exactly, but it was early January when I started struggling to keep anything down. I would have a good day mixed in with a few bad days during the early months. This means I would have a day or 2 where I could eat and actually get food to go down and stay down. But then I would have a week where nothing would go down and stay down. And when I say nothing...I mean NOTHING. No coffee, no water, no juice...N O T H I N G. As time went on, I had no good days. Maybe once every couple of weeks, I would have a random meal that would somehow miraculously go down. But that's it.
Before I knew it, my jeans didn't fit. And then people started commenting on me losing weight. Oh, wow. This is nice. And then it was like one day I woke up and I realized I had lost 40+ pounds which meant a total weight loss of 100 pounds since I started this journey!!
And then I hit 50 pounds down for the year and people were making comments like:
"You're melting away!"
"Hey skinny minnie!"
"You're gonna blow away if you get any thinner!"
All my life I have struggled with my weight and have never heard comments and received praise like this. All I wanted was to lay in these comments like fresh fallen snow and make skinny snow angels!
And all I have to do is eat whatever I want and it all just comes back up! Amazing! The downside was when people would want to know what my weight loss "secret" was. I couldn't very well tell them I was throwing up everything, could I? My canned responses were:
"Oh, you know I had lapband surgery a few years ago, I just decided it was time to make it work for me!"
"I just quit eating my 2 Bell friends...Blue and Taco!"
"I just watch what I eat...and no soft drinks!"
Crazy people believed me! Well...some did. My boss totally busted me after a work dinner one night when she called me out on how many times I went to the restroom. I did have one person ask how much Taco Bell had I been eating that once I stopped eating it, I was able to drop this much weight. Uhhh....????
So I let it go on...and on...and on...for months. Finally I just started getting tired of it. My family was tired of me throwing up all the time. My boyfriend (EEK! I have a boyfriend now!!! lol) hated that we couldn't go out and enjoy a meal together without me up and down to the bathroom. I had some bloodwork done and I was anemic. I'm tired and listless all the time. I'm soooooo thirsty! I get it! I'm not healthy. I look great...but my insides are messed up. And I could tell that my brain was getting just as wonky. All I cared about was being skinny...who cares how I got there?
I finally called Dr. Dean and asked to have a bit of an unfill. Didn't work. Went back and had it completely unfilled, totally emptied. Didn't work. That's when I knew I was in serious trouble.
When I went back to see Dr. Dean and told him the total empty band still wouldn't allow me to eat or drink anything, he just shook his head and said, "You know where this is going, don't you?" And I did...I knew the LB was coming out. Turns out, my LB has slipped...or rather my stomach has pushed up through the LB. He made me do a barium swallow and I was able to see just how bad it was. And there's no easy fix. He said it's not like a belt that you can just loosen, pull the stomach back through, and then tighten back up. There's too much irritation, inflammation, scar tissue. The LB has to come out.
I asked about having a revision to the Sleeve. Nope. Again...too much damage to my stomach right now. He would consider doing it in 6-9 months from now, after I've had time to heal and recover from this trauma. I don't know if I will pursue that though.
So here we go. Can I maintain this weight loss? I don't think so. I have many many friends and family that think I can. But my Debbie Downer brain tells me no. If I could, then I wouldn't have needed weight loss surgery to begin with. I'm devestated. I know this needs to happen. I'm the thinnest I've been in a very very long time, but I'm also the unhealthiest I've ever been. I need to feel better. I need to enjoy life again. But darn it, I sure have enjoyed the attention.
So there it is...my confessional, my story. I vowed to be honest and open throughout this entire journey. Please say a prayer as I move forward to the next chapter in this story...Life after LapBand...starts June 25th!
