I thought about just updating on Facebook and foregoing the blog post, but this is what I do. I just have to word vomit all this out, and I feel safe here.
Sorry it took so long to update, but life has a way of not slowing down or stopping...even in weird situations like what I've being dealing with. I have had to go to work, baseball games, feed kids and stay up late washing uniforms because of back to back games. So no matter how many times I wanted to wallow in the messiness of this entire "adventure," there was no choice but to get up and keep moving.
So I FINALLY met with the neurosurgeon on Wednesday. Unfortunately for Coby, I do not have a watermelon growing in my brain. Basically, this all boils down to...just no big deal at all. That's right folks, this is basically just some sort of brain pimple. It's not doing a darn thing to me but camping out on my pituitary gland. My labs have come back normal, I am normal (don't look so shocked). He said I might have even been born with this. I did question this as I had an MRI in 2013 and nobody said anything about it then. He said, very condescendingly as a top rated neurosurgeon would typically do, that the peon doctors at our small town hospital probably just didn't see it. Okay, he didn't say those exact words, but my translation of his tone is spot on. He did ask for me to get my hands on that MRI and send it to him, he was curious to see if it was there, if he can see it. Based on his lack of enthusiasm and blasé attitude toward this "cyst" as he's called it, I'm not in any hurry to go out of my way to get this MRI, mail it to him, and then (at his request) email him a few times a week to make sure that he reads it and gets back with me. I feel I have already given this too much of my time.
I asked about my headaches: not caused by this at all. Hmkay.
I asked about my inability to lose weight, my acne, all my female related concerns, my exhaustion: this peaked his interest a tad bit. He started describing a very specific, unusual lab that would test for Cushing Syndrome. I told him I did that lab!! The results were not back yet. Of course they're not... He said if that came back abnormal, then we would need to take some action. At this point, I really don't think that lab is going to come back as anything other than normal. And if it's normal, then I'm still left with these unanswered questions.
But yes...PRAISE THE LORD! This is no big deal. This is exactly what we wanted, and what I asked for your prayers. But there is this nagging in the back of my mind, that something is off. I wanted this to be something so we could treat it and move on, and all my "issues" would disappear. But that is not to be. So I will move on and leave this little detour in life behind.
I'm kind of embarrassed with how I reacted, freaking out about this. It had consumed me. I thought about it all the time, wondered about what the future would hold, spent so much time on the phone trying to get someone to tell me something or do something! Only to be told it's a "cyst" and we will do nothing but maybe get an MRI every other year or so. Ashamed that I spent so much energy on something that didn't deserve my time. Did I not trust God enough to handle this? I don't know and I don't know if I want to answer that truthfully. There were times when I felt like God was trying to slow me down, yet I kept pushing and getting more and more anxious that things weren't falling in to place like I thought they should. Now, it's over, and I'm ready to rest up for the next obstacle that we will most assuredly face.
I do thank all of you for your concern, your prayers, your hugs, your cards with well wishes, your love. You should all know by now, I lead with the drama and can turn even the most benign brain pimple into a wild and crazy ride. Love you all!
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