So 5 months after my surgery and I'm still fat. I have piles of jeans, sundresses, shorts, tank tops all from last spring/summer that I just knew I would be able to fit in by this summer. I hate being wrong. Like I said in the previous blogs, no matter how weird this sounds, I was hoping that little brain tumor scare had turned in to something. At least then I would have something to blame this on. I'm still stumped. I'm going to pick up all my lab results and make an appointment with my surgeon this week and pray he can help me with this, because I don't know what else to do.
In the meantime....I did it....I joined Orange County Fitness. Yep, I'm attempting to become an #OCFjunkie. After months of being harassed (too harsh? encouraged? is that better?) about going by my cousin and friends, I finally gave in.
I had been going to Anytime Fitness and "working out." I would go for a week or two, put in my 30 minutes, then take a couple weeks off. Then I would just be flabbergasted that I wasn't losing weight or gaining muscle tone. I finally faced the truth that I was not working. I would leave barely winded, hair still #onfleek, and able to sit down to pee without much of an effort (give me a minute, this will make sense shortly). Plus, I was bored. I did the same machines, the same workout, everything...and I was yawning. Dreaded going. Not good signs.
So one day, I finally went to visit OCF. It was the best work out I have ever had. I left completely drenched in sweat, legs shaking in so much pain yet had no feeling, every muscle screaming, and a smile on my face. The sense of accomplishment I felt and the pride coursing through my veins made me feel invincible. Now granted, I was not invincible. Have you ever done 200 squats then attempt to sit on a toilet? I have had 2 children birthed naturally, I have had 3 bariatric surgeries that rendered stomach muscles useless, I have suffered a subdural hematoma that no pain medicine could numb. NOTHING compares to the pain and struggle of sitting on and getting up from the toilet after 200 squats. Try it if you don't believe me! But all this proved how hard my muscles were worked in just one day. I couldn't move, but I knew I would be stronger for it.
One of the best things about OCF is that anyone can do it, you just have to scale your workout to what you can do. I can't run for 200m without having to stop and walk, I couldn't do one wallball, I shudder at the thought of doing more than one burpee....none of that mattered! I got out there and I did me.
My mantra: I do me. This means I do not and will not compare myself to any one else there. Here are some examples of having to repeat this mantra.
Running:
Running does not feel natural to me. Everything jiggles, inside and out. I feel like my insides are a giant weird snowglobe that some obnoxious kid just picked up and shook with all their might, all while sitting on my chest and pinching my nose closed so I can't breathe. Running does not appeal to me. So when the WOD calls for sprinting, then I'm going to move over to the side so the pros can breeze past me as I jog as fast as I can. I am not a runner, I never have been, and I probably never will be. I ran ALOT back in high school...up and down a basketball court. For some reason, I could play entire games with no break and had no issues. Put me on a track and tell me to run a lap? OMG! You would find me flopping on the ground only 100m in, like a fish sucking air outside of the water, screaming for an oxygen tank, and a wheelchair because my legs got lost somewhere 50m back! Not a runner. So a WOD calls for several 400m runs. I will jog 200m, walk 200m. Or just do a 200m jog. I do me.
Wallballs, burpees, HSPU, or anything resembling a pull up:
See that 8 pound ball? Yeah, that's mine. I'm not ashamed, that's the ball I use for wallballs. You want the 20 pounder, awesome! Don't mind me! Same thing with HSPU (handstand push up) and pulls up and all the fancy pull up workouts. I'm good with regular scaled push ups and ring rows...I rock those ring rows! There is no shame in my game! I'm here to get stronger and healthier, not to prove anything to anyone other than myself. I do me.
How many rounds?
WOD calls for 5 rounds, 10 rounds? Watch me do 3, 6, 8...I remember only getting to round 3 of a 5 round WOD. Mrs. OCF walks up and asks if I'm okay. I say yes, but I think I'm about done. I felt ashamed that I hadn't completed the WOD, even though it was only my second day! She looked at the clock and said, "Awesome! You have been working your tail off for 43 minutes! That's amazing! Good job!" Really?? YES! So that's a new outlook for me. Someone else might be able to get through all 5 in 43 minutes, but I did 3...and that's awesome! I do me.
This mantra was a hard one to learn. I felt like I was going to be judged, like they were going to look at me and wonder what this roly poly, soft bodied, no running lazy bum was doing in their gym. But that's not how it is at all. Everyone is there to work, they aren't worried about me because they are focused on themselves and doing their own workout, pushing themselves to be better...just like I am. And we all have to start from somewhere...and this is my somewhere. I get smiles, cheers, a few shouts of strongly worded encouragement from the coaches and it helps. We're all in this together.
So there you have it...only 2 weeks in and I'm on my way to earning my #OCFjunkie tag. If you have been on the fence of upping your work out, a little timid at the idea of joining something so different than your regular treadmill and machine based circuit training....come on! First workout is free, and who doesn't love free??
Seriously...if there is a crossfit gym local to you that you have been thinking about going to; if you've been thinking of purchasing that Beachbody DVD; if you've been thinking about using that C25K app; or if you've been thinking about anything that will get you healthier and feeling better...just do it. Take your first step, no regrets. And remember to just do you...you know who you are. This is a snippet of lyrics from one of my fave songs being played on The Message. Click the youtube link below to hear it in its entirety. You do you, because you are enough.
I am strong, beautiful
I am good enough
And I belong after all, 'cause of what You've done
This is real what I feel
No one made it up
I am loved
I'm runnin' to the One who knows me
Who made every part of me in His hands
I'm holdin' to the One who holds me
'Cause I know, 'cause I am
I know who I am
I am sure, I am Yours
Fearfully, wonderfully, perfectly
You had made me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6oZuNkT7_UM
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