UGH!

So I realized I haven't updated in a couple months and thought I'd catch you up.

So back at the end of September I had the struggle with the fill and had to have half removed. Well 5 weeks later I finally went back to have some more taken out. From the day I had the fill in September to the day I had some removed in November, I lost about 22 pounds. I was ALWAYS throwing up. No matter what went in my mouth, it came back up...even water. I had several nights where I woke up choking on vomit/acid. I was borderline dehydrated. Why did I let it go on so long? Silly question...I lost almost 20 pounds! Pretty stupid, huh?

Now here I sit and wonder will there ever be a day that I don't throw up? Will I ever be able to just be normal? Or is THIS my new normal?

I miss food. Oh how stupid I feel saying that. I watch people in restaurants and on TV eating to their heart's content. And there I sit staring at the menu and thinking what will stay down?

I will probably wait til after the holidays and will go back to the doctor and see about getting more taken out.

Oh...and still not exercising. Whatever.

Weight loss to date -- 66 pounds. One month away from my "Band-versary!" :)

FIFTY! 50!!! FIVE OH!!!

OH HAPPY DAY!!!

What a difference! 50 pounds is like carrying around TWO Cobys ALL DAY LONG...EVERY DAY!! WHOA!

Just updating my pics!

Thanks again!

Taking the bad with the good

The reason I started this blog was to share not only my struggles and my success, but also how this whole process unfolded for me. This way if there is someone out there thinking about having lapband, they can use my experiences to move forward.

I had my 4th fill scheduled for last Tuesday morning. It was well overdue. I had gotten to a point where I could almost eat what I wanted and however much I wanted. But I also knew I needed to be in the right mindset to get it done. This fill was going to seriously hinder my eating. Yes, I know, this is what I paid for, but the band does NOT take away the desire for food...just the ability to eat it.

I walked in the office and was greeted with the usual smiles and gushing about how good I looked. Another plug for the Bariatric Center in Beaumont. The staff is great! I never feel like a number or like a paycheck to them. I'm a person that they want to see be successful. It's great. Dr. Dean welcomed me and then bragged on the 10 pounds I've lost since there last time in May. He even commented on my baggy jeans and told me I needed to get some new ones. Yes sir! Don't have to tell me twice. LOL!

We discussed how much to fill, 1 cc or .5. At $150/fill, I decided to go with 1 cc. I was in and out within about 15 minutes. I did ask about seeing the therapist about some of my food addiction issues. He was pleased that I acknowledged I needed some help. He said alot won't admit it and then wind up allowing the band to fail. That's not an option for me. So I will see Dr. Monk on Wednesday to discuss those issues.

Pretty simple, huh? Yep...until it all went wrong...

A couple of hours later, I started feeling kinda ick. I hadn't eaten all day and was anxious to get a protein drink, thinking that might help. I get one, and start sipping. A few minutes later, I realized it wasn't going down. It wasn't getting through the band. Not good. It came back up. I tried a couple sips of water. Nope. Back up again. I tried to wait it out, thinking I was just swollen and maybe it would stop and I would finally get something down. But after the 3rd time I threw up my own saliva, I knew it was time to call the doctor.

Ewwww...gross, right? But it's just the way it is. :shrug:

Doctor wanted me back immediately for an unfill. I got back there and they didn't have an xray tech to run the fluorscope (the big thing that takes pics of my insides), so the doc was just going to have to feel around to find my port. This was not a good idea. After about the 20th stick, he needed some help. Yay for the lidocaine that he uses to numb my stomach before sticking me. He finally found it and removed about .5 cc.

Was it worth it?? Oh heck yeah!! I'm only able to eat a few bites and then I'm full. It's been great. I've already dropped 4 pounds since Tuesday! I'm only 1 pound from 50 pounds lost. This will be a pretty major milestone for me and I can't wait! I'm so glad I made the decision to do this. And I'm even more pleased with the amount of support I've gotten. Thank you to all my family and friends for your support and excitement for me.

More than halfway to my 90 pound goal!!!

Livng LARGE!

Thought I'd update a lil bit. I don't have much to report as far as losing tons of weight...but because of my working out, I still seem to be shrinking. I'm sure there's all sorts of biological reasons for this, but I don't know them...I just know I like it. :) I have to admit that I underestimated Curves. I had read some posts on the lapbandtalk.com site about how it's boring and just doesn't do anything, blah, blah. But I gave it a try...and I really like it. I walk out of there like a wet noodle. I'm sweating and weak. The "Naomis" that are in there working out are having a grand time visiting and chatting and every now and then will look at the poor blonde grunting and dripping in sweat. I push myself...I will be successful.

I haven't had a fill since the first of May, and for the past couple of months, have really been able to eat more than I should. And if I can eat more, I will. If I didn't have these kinds of self control issues, I wouldn't have had to have this surgery. I go tomorrow to have another fill that I hope will jump start me losing again.

Went shopping this weekend, one of my favorite past times. Went to Old Navy to get some fall clothes in preparation of the cooler weather. I grabbed a cute sweater that was an XL, just as I was about to walk off I grabbed a Large...just to see. I went to the fitting room and slipped on the XL first. Hmmm...let's see how that Large fits. It fit perfectly!!

Last winter, I bought a couple of sweaters and coats from Old Navy that were all XXLs. Yes, that's TWO EXTRA LARGE. So when I realized I was going to be able to wear a Large...I was excited, thrilled, ecstatic. I wanted to tell everyone...but I restrained myself and just gushed to my mom and dad...and a friend of mine from church, Nicole, whom I bumped into while there. :) Thanks for sharing in my joy!

When Chaston got home last night, he was hanging out with me in my room while I unpacked all my new clothes. I told him that last winter I was a size XXL, and then I showed him the tag on one of my new sweaters. I held up my fist for one of our fist bump explosions (yeah, cheesey, but it's our thing), but instead I got a great big bear hug. He told me he was so proud.

I spend so much of my time being Chaston's #1 fan that I forget that he's MY #1 fan. With that kind of support, I can NOT fail.

Sigh...

I just ate lunch. It was yummy. I want more. I can't eat more. I'm sad. So silly. That is all.

fair

I get that God didn't promise us life would be fair...but just once, maybe...just MAYBE something could go our way. Maybe...

Addiction

It's been rough lately. Take tonight for instance...I had 1 baby carrot, 1 bite of broccoli/cheese casserole, 1 shrimp, and 2 bites of tilapia. That's it. And I feel like I could puke! This morning I opened my refrigerator door and had 5 boxes of leftovers. I go out to eat and can't eat 1/3 of my meal...and then I get super super ticked off. At first I found this funny, that I would get mad when I got full. I mean, this is what I paid for right? What I wasn't prepared for was the actual emotions I would have when I can't eat.

So I've been checking out my lapband.com message board and it seems to be a common issue. Yes, I am a food addict. I am addicted to something that is not only legal, it is necessary to sustain my life. It's like telling an alcoholic, he must drink every day, but ONLY 1 tiny sip four or five times a day. It seems a bit drastic to compare my food issues to something so life altering as being an alcoholic. But this is seriously how I feel and what I am dealing with on a daily basis. One of the things offered to us bandsters is a monthly support group meeting, but I have yet to go. I have to find someone to talk to about this. Someone that would understand what I'm dealing with.

Again, you may think I'm being melodramatic, but this mental thing I'm going through has not been fun.

I have lost nothing in about a month. Still not working out, still have all the excuses and all the stress and all the laziness.